The Advice Corner: My adult child is struggling with mental health – what should I do?

This month’s question: Seeing your adult child struggle with mental illness can feel overwhelming and upsetting; you may be left wondering, what can I do to help?

Angela Cowan, MSW, LICSW, Counseling Program Manager and Therapist:

It is hard to see a loved one experiencing mental illness. You want to step in and remove their suffering, but that is outside of your control. While there is a limit to what you can do, there are still several ways you can support and help your loved one struggling with mental illness. 

What are signs of declining mental health?

There are numerous signs of declining mental health, such as sudden changes to eating habits or sleep habits, withdrawal from social interactions and relationships, decrease in hygiene practices, increased irritability/anger/frustration, comments about no longer wanting to be alive, suspiciousness or paranoia, grandiose – or overly ambitious – plans or ideas, etc.

Please Note: If you believe your child is an immediate danger to themselves or an immediate danger to someone else, dial 9-1-1. If you know your child has been struggling with mental health and you’ve been unable to reach them, contact the non-emergency number for their police department to request a welfare check.

What can I do?

Here are some effective strategies to empower you as a parent with what you can do to support your adult child navigate life with their mental illness:

1. Offer support
2. Respect boundaries
3. Respect their independence
4. Support yourself

 

Offer support

Support can take many forms. It can be emotional support, such as listening to and validating their feelings. It can be financial support; if you are aware there are financial struggles and you are able to help and they are open to that form of support, it can be helpful. It can be assisting with tasks at home, if they are open to that form of support. It can be sharing information for mental health providers in their area.

Respect boundaries

When offering support, it is important to be mindful of your own boundaries. What are you comfortable doing? What are you not comfortable doing? If you are aware of your boundaries and if you are respectful of your boundaries, then you are less likely to cross them. If boundaries are not crossed, then emotions such as frustration and resentment are less likely to arise.

Respect their independence

Just as it is important to be mindful of your own boundaries, it is important to be respectful of your child’s boundaries and their independence. If you offer support with a specific task – such as cleaning their home – and they ask you not to do that, respect their wishes. Perhaps there are other ways you can support them. If cleaning their home is a priority for them, then perhaps you can offer encouragement as they set small goals and then celebrate when those goals are met.  

Support yourself

Navigating mental illness within a family system can feel lonely and isolating. One way to support yourself through this time is to look for support groups. Support groups provide space to connect with others who are experiencing similar concerns and emotions, and they are a great way to educate yourself about mental illness. Here is a list of support groups through the National Alliance on Mental Illness – Minnesota. Support groups are offered both in-person and online. If your loved one is struggling with addiction, please consider joining us at JFCS on Jan. 14, 2026, for our next Difficult Conversations topic – Compassionate concern: Talking to your loved one about addiction.

Make sure you are taking time to tune into your own needs. If you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, that is a sign to take some time to refill your cup. Connect with your supports, engage in activities that bring you a sense of joy or peace, and don’t hesitate to reach out for parent coaching or counseling services.

The Advice Corner

At JFCS, professional staff work to support and empower families at all ages and stages. We know that parenting is the most amazing and most challenging job around. Whether you are navigating toddler tantrums, trying to get your teen to put their phone down and connect with you, or trying to juggle hectic schedules, you are not alone. We will provide responses from a variety of staff, each with unique expertise, background and perspective. Please let us know if you have questions you would like us to highlight. We want to hear from you! Questions will be posed anonymously. Please email questions to: lpersky@jfcsmpls.org