Resources to support parents and families in wake of the Annunciation shooting

By Angela Cowan, MSW, LICSW • Counseling Manager; and Leah Persky, PhD & CFLE • Parent Coach and Professional and Community Education Program Manager

The horrific school shooting at Annunciation Catholic Church last week has left so many questioning how something so horrible could have happened. The senseless and preventable violence is a trend that unfortunately our nation, state, and community have seen repeated over and over again. The sadness and anxiety over this senseless loss of life remain the prevailing feeling for so many. This is especially so for the millions of parents who have sent their children off to school in recent days.

The beginning of school should be a time of excitement, sadness that summer is over, and the normal butterflies that accompany transitions and new school routines; no parent or child should ever have to worry about safety from random acts of violence occurring at school. Sadly, this is our reality. Many are wondering, how do we move forward and what do we tell our kids? How can we make any sense of this? The fundamental issue of safety and fear of potential future violence is looming large.

Here are a few ideas and strategies to employ during these challenging times. There are no easy answers, and it does often feel hollow to tell your kids that they are safe at school; but we can focus on being clear, honest, and leading with love.

How do I talk to my kids about this?

There are no easy answers here and you know your child best – trust your instincts about what will serve them based on their age and personality. While these conversations can feel overwhelming to begin; realize that you don’t need to be an expert. Bringing up the topic will increase feelings of safety and build trust between you and your children. Kids talk and your child will most likely hear about the events from someone else if you do not bring it up with them directly. Let them lead the conversation, no matter the age. This will let you know what they are concerned about – most likely it is different from what you are thinking about.

Here are some general guidelines:

Keep details to a minimum for kids age 8 and under. Ask the child what they know or have heard and go from there. Naming the location, actors, and time frame can be helpful and highlighting what is being done to promote safety, which is key for children this age. Answer questions as best as you can and be honest and brief. Here is a great resource for talking to younger children about traumatic events.

Middle and high schoolers can understand more depth and nuance. For older children, begin by asking them their thoughts about the situation. You may also want to talk about which news sources you trust and explore why this is an important part of this conversation. Avoid graphic images and videos for all children. Also, be sure to manage exposure to media of all kinds for your children and yourself. This is a big topic – if you are seeking guidance on media use/screen time, please reach out to our Parent Coach for support.

Conversations can be brief: You will know if your child is receptive and able to talk about it. You may find that conversations in the car or while you are out walking may feel more natural. Also, don’t force the conversation. If your child is not ready and/or doesn’t engage, simply try again at another time. Let them know you are always there if they want to talk.

Emphasize the many helpers. Highlight helpers in your own schools, neighborhood, community and state.

Connect with community. There are events happening across the metro to offer support and prayers for Annunciation Catholic School. Connecting with others and taking action allows hope to grow and connections to be made. You can find information here.

What are signs that my child may need additional support?

Anxiety, fear, sadness, anger — these are all valid emotions to feel following a traumatic event. It is also understandable that anyone may experience these emotions when in an environment that is similar to where a traumatic event occurred, such as children returning to school following the mass shooting at Annunciation. When considering if your child would benefit from additional support, it’s important to think about the length of time you’ve noticed an increase in emotions such as anxiety, fear, sadness and anger; and to consider if you’ve noticed a change in your child’s behaviors or habits. It is also important to consider if these emotions and/or behaviors and habits are impacting your child’s ability to engage in the social, educational, and relational areas of their life.

Here are some symptoms and behaviors to look out for that could indicate your child would benefit from additional support: experiencing prolonged irritability, sadness and/or anger; experiencing nightmares on a recurring basis; reports of frequent headaches and stomach aches; exhibiting avoidance or withdrawal from situations, experiences or relationships; exhibiting more aggressive behaviors; changes in sleep or eating habits; and/or engaging in self-harming behaviors. 

How do I support myself?

As a caregiver, it may feel easier to put your own needs aside in order to focus on someone else, and it is important to ensure you are giving yourself permission to reflect on how tragedy and trauma are impacting you. It is important to make space and take time to process the emotions and thoughts that arise for you following a traumatic event. 

It might be helpful to reflect on the following: Who are my supports? What brings me a sense of comfort? What can grab hold of my mind and break the cycle of intrusive thoughts or cycling “what-if” thoughts? What gives me a sense of control in a situation that feels very out of control? Your answers to these questions can become a wellness plan for you — a way to care for and support yourself. 

It can also be helpful to ask yourself, what expectations do I have for myself in the aftermath of this tragedy? Are these expectations reasonable? Are they expectations I would have of a friend? Upon reflection, if you determine these expectations are not helpful, try to practice giving yourself grace and lessen or remove the expectations. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can at this time. Also, be aware of news and media consumption. Once you are aware of news updates, ask yourself if being exposed to more news will serve you in some way. If not, set healthy limits for yourself.

To Conclude

The grief, pain, sadness, anger, and many other emotions that people are feeling now are normal and can become hard to manage. If these emotions don’t feel manageable for you or your family, reach out to JFCS for support. Trained mental health professionals and parent coaches can help support you during this time. Call JFCS and we will connect you to the support you need: 952-546-0616

Drop-in support sessions for parents of children of any age are available on Sept. 11 and 16. There are in-person and virtual options available. These sessions are free, but registration is required. Click here to register and for more information.

Additional resources: