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Supporting a loved one in recovery during the holidays 

By Jennifer Fukuda • Addiction and Recovery Services Program Coordinator 

The holidays are fast approaching, and they bring a mix of joy, anticipation, fun, stress, and overwhelm. The American Psychological Association found that 41% of adults in the U.S. experienced an increase in stress around the holidays (Rodriguez, 2023). The holidays often bring with them increased exposure to alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, and more time commitments.  

Hence, people in recovery may feel the intensity of the holidays in a deeper way, having to be even more mindful of personal triggers and how they cope with the additional stress. If you have someone in your life who you care about in recovery or are in recovery yourself, going into the holidays with a plan will help set you up for success. 

Encourage consistency 

The business of the holiday season can make routines more difficult to keep. People in recovery have worked hard to build healthy habits and create routines that support their recovery. Organization and predictability both help the brain cope with stress (Linney, 2022). One of the best ways you can support your loved one is to support their routine.  

Most people in recovery have a sleep schedule with sleep hygiene built in, a daily meditation or self-care practice, and a meeting or support group session they attend to focus on connection within their community. This structure is key to staying on track, remaining centered, controlling cravings, identifying triggers, building accountability, and maintaining their goals.  

Ask what your loved one’s routine is and how you can support them during a time when their life is busier than normal. Perhaps they would like you to be a part of their day, accompany them to the gym or to a meeting. Everyone’s recovery is their own, but taking an active interest in your loved one’s goals and simply offering to play a more meaningful role might be welcome over the holidays.  

Inspire self-care 

Take care of yourself during this season of giving. Remember to give yourself permission to take some time off and focus on you. People in recovery will benefit from seeing you listen to your own needs and connect with people who bring you joy and support you. As you model this behavior, you can remind them that you support them to do the same.  

Have conversations together about how you cope with stress in healthy ways. Take a walk together outside, go on a hike at a nearby nature preserve, try an instructor-led yoga course, pick out some spa items at the store to use at home, or try something fun and new like a trip to a cat café or volunteering. Ask them directly what they need, what would be helpful in their self-care routine, and what would bring them joy. Support them by being there and helping others respect their boundaries. 

Manage expectations 

The holidays are a time when we all feel pulled in so many directions. Help your loved one in recovery manage expectations for themselves while also helping others manage expectations of them. The truth is, being in recovery is exhausting. Your loved one’s brain may still be working through chemical imbalances, and their body may be working through physical repairs. This healing process can take years for some people (Goldman, 1995).  

This is part of why consistency is so important. A successful recovery depends on sleep, eating healthy, exercise, recovery support, and so much more. Your loved one has so much to fit in each day in order for their recovery to remain their number one priority. The holidays are demanding and not everyone understands how much time and energy successful recovery takes. You can support them by highlighting the art and power of saying “no” to things that won’t serve you. Gently remind them it is okay to put their recovery as their priority, even if that means disappointing someone or missing out on something. You can also be the person who reminds others to respect their recovery needs with love and kindness. 

Listen and reach out 

The most important thing you can do for your loved one in recovery this holiday season is be there and listen. Ask how you can help and understand what is not helpful. Perhaps there are things you can be aware of that your loved one is trying to avoid. Being a listening ear, being present, and offering support goes a long way. Remember, you do not need to solve problems to be a supportive person, and in many cases, you don’t even need to talk. Sometimes just being present is what someone needs.  

If you or someone you care about is in need of resources for addiction or wants to talk through a plan for maintaining their routines through the holidays to support their recovery, please reach out to me at jfukuda@jfcsmpls.org or call 952-542-4837 to learn more about how JFCS can offer guidance and support. 

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