Tips for embracing the messiness, uncertainty and fun of summer

By Leah Persky, Phd & CFLE • Parent Coach and Manager of Professional and Community Education

Summertime brings to mind time outside, swimming, relaxing BBQs with the family, kids enjoying camp, and time at the cabin away from the business of everyday life. While hopefully you have enjoyed some of this type of summertime fun, don’t feel badly if the start of your summer has not gone as planned or not felt as enjoyable as you dreamt about.

The business of new schedules, summer activities for kids, holiday events, and the tumultuous political and social environment may make it challenging to find enjoyment. I know I felt this way as I struggled to get kids to where they needed to be, managed complaints about not wanting to go to the new camp, planned carpools for half-day camps, somehow manage to get some of my normal work done, and oh yeah, enjoy the summer too!

The expectations we set for summer (often unconsciously) can make it challenging to live up to. This can lead to feelings of disappointment and frustration. The added challenges of political uncertainty and violence – like the recent assassination attempt; upcoming presidential elections, and troubling world events can make it feel like even more of a challenge. The ongoing wars in Ukraine and between Israel and Hamas continue to provoke worry, anxiety, and concern as the tragedies continue to unfold.

Here are a few ways to deal with managing the uncertainty, making the most of summer, and setting realistic expectations for the last half of it:

Be in the moment: Turn off distractions from the news and social media. This is especially important if you find yourself overly focused on the news and staying up to date. Being constantly exposed to distressing or anxiety-provoking news can set you up for feeling upset and distracted. Being up to date on the news should not come at the expense of your well-being. Set screen-free times for your family and yourself for your overall wellness.

Accept the messiness of everyday life: This is especially true if you have kids at home or summer visitors. Accept that there will be more people and things in your house, dishes in the sink, and food on the floor. Shift perspective on the mess from something else you have to do or clean to evidence that people are enjoying spending time at home. There probably will be times in the coming year that you will miss the family being around and hanging out at home. This can be a good thing to remind yourself of when you might feel overwhelmed by a mess. For me, that was dirty socks stuffed in the couch, along with crumbs on the floor, and snack wrappers found pretty much everywhere!

Make a summer fun list: Keep it simple, get the family involved, and make it realistic. Think about one thing you can do each week to enjoy summer and make it happen. These can be simple and free – most importantly, the list should include something that each family member wants to do.

Come to terms with screen time: Screens are part of our daily lives, and children are digital natives. Summer often means more screen time. If you have kids at home and you feel like you are always getting in fights or managing emotions around screen time use, it is time for a reset. Here are some excellent resources to help inform your approach to managing screens for your kids by age:   https://www.commonsensemedia.org/   and https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2018/07/09/625387830/what-families-need-to-know-about-screen-time-this-summer

It is also important to manage your own screen time and try to set your phone down when you are around the kids. This is often a challenge for parents (including me), and a good thing to talk about with your kids. This will role model healthy technology use.

Take it easy on yourself: Be authentic and realistic to your own needs. Every family and individual are unique. Trust yourself to find the balance between activities and down time, and create schedules that work for you. Acknowledge that summer can be messy, frustrating, relaxing, and invigorating all at the same time. Embracing authenticity, messiness, and giving yourself credit for all that you do will go a long way to shift the mentality from feelings of failing at summer towards gratitude and enjoyment of it.  

Letting go of control: It is often a challenge to let go of the things you cannot control. It can be helpful to think about what is within your control and what is not. Once we can make that separation, it becomes easier to let go of what we can’t control. Writing a short list of things you actually can control this summer can be an empowering exercise.

I hope these strategies can help you to find more enjoyment and gratitude during this short and precious summer. Embracing the imperfections and messiness of life can go a long way towards letting enjoyment and acceptance in. I hope you have a messy, full, and sweet July and August. There will be snow on the ground again before we know it!

If you have children ages 2 through adult and are looking for a parent coach to help you through the ups and downs of summer, please reach out to us for a consultation with our JFCS parent coach: https://jfcsmpls.org/parent-coaching-interest-form/