Reflecting on the start of summer for parents 

By Leah Persky, PhD & CFLE • Parent Coach and Manager of Professional and Community Education

Summer is here and between the strange weather, busyness of the end of the school year, and many challenging recent events, the start of summer just feels different this year. I have spoken to many friends, clients, and co-workers, and in general, it seems people are feeling overwhelmed, sad, and angry. Between the political assassinations, instability of our democracy, and conflicts in Israel, it is no wonder people are feeling strong emotions and many are having a hard time processing and talking about these events. 

Many parents are also wondering how to talk about these events with their children. There are no easy answers here – I find myself looking back to previous columns I have written over the years that have focused on how to talk to our children about all manner of challenging world events. (Here are some previous columns to explore: “Upcoming presidential election: Addressing uncertainty, stress and family wellbeing” and “How to talk to your children about the immigration crisis.”)

This perspective made me realize just how much we have all lived through in the past five years: intense political divisiveness; a multi-year pandemic; heightened awareness and activism around racial justice following George Floyd’s murder; the events of Oct. 7 and the ongoing conflict between Hamas and Israel; challenging immigration policies; increased anti-Semitism; and now political assassinations in our state and heightened conflicts in the Middle East. What can we do and how can we support ourselves and our children through these times? How can we care for ourselves and our communities?  

There are no easy or one-size-fits-all answers here. Our communities are grieving and there are diverse experiences and feelings about these events. It also may feel trivial to discuss everyday challenges we face. Just as we must pay attention to the news of the day and world events, we also should do our best to focus on making each day as good as we can. The heaviness and challenges of the world are there, but we also need to keep up with the everyday chores, caregiving and schedules. So what can we do and how can we proceed? Here are a few suggestions: 

1. Focus on what you can control: Create a general plan for the week, allow the kids and other family members to help plan events and meals, and make time for fun together. For younger children that may be feeling anxious, focus on all of the helpers and good people around them. Highlighting that you have a plan in case of an emergency may also help to soothe the nerves of anxious kids and adults.  

2. Listen to your children and take their lead: Be present and set aside time to just be together. Listen to your kids and answer their questions as directly, simply and honestly as possible, focusing on age-appropriate responses. If you want to introduce a topic of discussion, do so when the mood is calm and begin by asking questions about what your child may already know. 

3. Slow down and focus on the present moment: This may be the hardest thing for many people. Focus on creating time for a slow summer feeling, even if it is just for a week or so. Think back to when you were a kid and what you enjoyed most about summer. It is often the simple things we enjoyed the most, unscheduled time together, time outside, good food, and being with friends and family. Set aside slow days or weeks and protect them from commitments and busy schedules.    

4. Connect with other like-minded people and find your support network: For many of us, coming together with our community will allow us to process events, reflect on what has happened, take action and begin to heal. Doing something as simple as going to a community event will allow us to feel the power of good and empower us to take action that feels right for us. 

5. Create a plan for summer: Summer is fleeting in Minnesota and no doubt we will see back-to -school sales starting up way too soon. Think about a few things that you want to do this summer and talk to your family about it. Brainstorm together and think about a summer bucket list where each person can contribute. The list can be simple and does not have to include anything costly. On my list I have paddle boarding, biking, going to an outdoor concert and taking the dog to new dog parks. Create your list and work to make it happen so that you can enjoy this time together. 

 

If you would like to connect with a parent coach to discuss how to support your family and yourself during this time or process and discuss recent events with your kids, reach out to me here or at lpersky@jfcsmpls.org 

We are here to support families with children ages 2 through adult. You are not alone – we are here to help.